Eve

December 31, 2011

“Who’s gonna be the one holdin’ you tight when it’s exactly 12 o’clock at night?” 

For some reason I was gripped by this sudden panic and irresistible urge to compose a list of names I would need to contact about a New Year’s party. At this time tomorrow I’ll be coming home from a church service, my knees and neck sore from praying. I needed to be reminded that just because I’m in college now doesn’t mean everything changes…

But I don’t want the same thing this year. I don’t want to weep at His feet again asking for the same things I do every year. If those were earnest tears then why do I ask for the same things again and again? I never believed change was like a magazine subscription you needed to renew every 365 days, so then it’s time to step it up.

Oh. And as a completely irrelevant note, today was a most enjoyable day. Along the way we seemed to accrue fares that came as little birthday surprises; the farecards, the fee to exit the parking garage, the cake-tart thing. But there is no regret, as long as birthday-boy had  a very enjoyable time (:

THE Holiday

December 26, 2011

You add on a couple more years and you begin to realize that you get less and less gifts,

but by the time you’ve realized that you don’t much care because you’d rather have the people than the presents.

Merry Christmas, although it is now the 26th. I have so very much to be grateful for, and it all started with this outlandish idea of using  a teenage girl to bring the world peace in the form of a child. His name is Love and I am still getting to know him.

Holiday Season

December 17, 2011

I still haven’t gotten used to my mom greeting me so ecstatically when I get home, but then again I’m not used to being at home less than I am at school.

The graduation was wonderful and utterly cold, however, I did manage to deliver the cards to each graduate. Some of us freshmen came back from home to be there so I do hope they heard our obnoxious hollering and hooting.

Eventually we said our goodbyes, though I regret to say I missed a couple. Oh well…? Hopefully we’ll see more of each other while we’re home since we live so close and all. I just hate how things are starting to dissolve…

I’m home with no due dates biting at my heels.

I’m home.

Finals, oh my

December 15, 2011

And thus concludes my first semester in college.

4 hours of sleep, 3 exams. Today was a very productive day.

I think I’ll just go sle

Disposition

December 15, 2011

“You’re perfect just the way you are; you don’t need to change yourself.”

Oh, but I do.

Either it’s more self-control or less (and by less I mean 99% less) temper, but something’s got to happen.

Number one thing on my “What to Change About Myself” list.

Rainbow #2

December 14, 2011

Somehow, for reasons I am still trying to figure out, I didn’t hit the snooze button.

Usually this is a good thing, but NOT when you go back to sleep. NOT when you have an exam to wake up for…

I never thought I’d start off my very first college exam in this fashion, but I might as well make it memorable, eh? In my panic-stricken state there was no time to brush teeth or get dressed, but since I couldn’t find my glasses I nearly jabbed my eyes out putting my lenses in before grabbing my pencil case, calculator, and student ID. Thank GOD my test site is only a 5 minute walk but I didn’t have those minutes so I ran, barely noticing the frost brushing against my bare toes; flip-flops during the winter isn’t smart but what about this narrative so far is smart?

As I was dashing out of the dorm the first thing I see is a giant rainbow, arcing from as far east I could see to the furthest point west. I didn’t stop to admire it like I did the double rainbow but the fear and panic in my heart subsided and was filled with…a smile. I can’t really explain it beyond that; I was getting a thumbs up and “Good luck!” from my number one supporter. He just happens to have created, oh, I don’t know, the universe.

What a college experience indeed.

Perhaps it’s one my parents won’t appreciate until much later, though…

Criticism

December 13, 2011

No one likes to hear someone call them out on a fault, especially if it’s one you’re well aware of.

It seems like our society seems to make a point of holding back these critics. This sort of censorship starts at a young age when we’re told that pointing is rude which then develops into a careful development of polite and courteous diction. “Please” and “Thank you” are drilled into us over and over until it’s tagged on to the end of every sentence. White lies used to cover up potential critiques are sprinkled all over every communication channel.

New flash: We all need criticism. 

Yes. We need it. No matter how uncomfortable it may be for both parties, no matter how much you hate to hear it, no matter how much you hate to bring it up, it must be done. You can’t learn from your mistakes if you avoid hearing about them, and you are not the person to decide what those mistakes would be. Although you are you indefinitely, you are also your most biased source and may not actually know yourself. The humbling blow must be dealt by someone close, otherwise it will only be a bitter judgement.

To be truthful I can’t remember the last time someone pointed out a fault, so I fell into the routine of thinking I was all around a pretty decent person, that I have a couple rough edges more like scuffs. My friends never thought to tell me differently and my parents sounded like broken records about my attitude. But I was wrong. I realized that to become more mature you need to hear those words that elicit a stab of hurt or anger.

I wondered what the point of going to church was one morning. A body of believers. But it’s more than that; it’s community where we grow together, but that doesn’t happen unless we get in each others’ faces. I’m not talking about confrontational communication but rather an accountability system.

I have decided to ask my 3 closest friends to show me the dirt under my nails;

I am ready to hear it.

I want to know how wrong I’ve been about myself.

I want to know who I am.

Banquet

December 10, 2011

It is interesting what a little paper, glue, and patience can do to make people happy.

It is also interesting to see what makeup and dresses can do to your social hierarchy…

I don’t know if the extraordinary amount of attention is welcome, but I will most definitely be posting something on this when I am not frantic about finals.

December 8, 2011

“YES! Safe and sound.”

Thank God; he didn’t want any of you back yet.

Stay strong, Hokies.

Choice

December 8, 2011

Wassily Kandinsky

I was faced with this sensitive question, much to my discomfort because it came with much yelling, gruesome pictures, and pamphlets being shoved in my face.

“Pro-life or pro-choice?”

Being a bit dense I can go on unperturbed by issues for a long time, but even I couldn’t miss the tension thick in the air that day. Students were being approached by members of an association that spoke against abortion. To give their arguments credit they had a huge montage of dead babies behind them, dozens of visceral pictures blown up to portrait-size stretching the length of the Commons. In cap-locks lettering this display was titled “STOP GENOCIDE.”

Students were not pleased. Not one.

We are adolescents empowered by our youth, ignorance and self-righteousness, so what was to stop a couple students from gathering right across from the demonstration and leading their own counterattack? It was amusing to hear them advertising free condoms but as more students joined in I felt like it would escalate into a riot. The pro-life “side” kept professionalism at the forefront and did not respond to the retorts and jeering nor did they ever accost a passing student, but that hideous collage was an argument itself. Both sides, in summary, trying to convince people that their method is morally sound and the other is a perverse abomination of ethics. At first I expressed my opinion with a close friend I had been walking with but then she responds with something I have never heard before:

“I doesn’t matter to me; it’s the way they choose to live their life. As long as they’re happy it’s fine.” You have nothing to do with the appeals of another person nor do you have a right to coerce someone. So what if it is a matter of morality? She didn’t think this issue should have to be taken into the battering cage of politics. You can’t tell someone their moral compass is broken; you can’t force someone to see that their needle is at west when yours is at north. The only way to prove your point is to show them, but since that takes much too long people have cut right to the confrontation.

Her nonchalant response had me question the concept of choice.

We are all guided by a moral compass set deep within ourselves. Each decision is a resonance of this compass and distinct beliefs. Who am I to tell another person that their heart is wrong, how to live his/her life, even if my faith is dragged into the equation?

As ambassadors we were given His authority in matters of morality but we must remember that we were all created with free-will. We are able to choose and that is precious.